31 December 2005
GRAHAM NORTON IS HERE TO PLAY SO ...
It takes an awful lot to make you pine for Jim Davidson, but Graham Norton damn near managed it with Generation Fame. Perhaps the most frustrating thing about this whole dismal exercise was that you knew exactly what it was going to be like beforehand, and yet the Gen Game still had enough goodwill in the tank to make you give it a go.
It's pretty clear they wanted to Strictly-fy the old format, but the brilliant thing about Strictly Come Dancing is that, for all the kitsch element, it's played exactly straight, whereas Generation Fame was presented entirely in quotation marks and ironic glitter. They even roped in Bruno from Strictly Come Dancing to "choreograph" the contestants through the inevitable dance-off, but given that this turned out to be blokes in drag arseing about for two minutes, what was the point?
Graham Norton can truly be a dreadful host when he tries, here shrieking and corpsing at all his own "jokes" and taking the piss out of Belgians. The conveyor belt prizes turned out to be vaguely ironic gifts for members of the audience, enabling Graham to mock them in that inimitable style which peaked in about 2001. The hateful Johnny Vegas, bad sight of the week any time he turns up, lolled on to charmlessly bellow and shout his way through an interminable pottery game.
And yet ... some of the games still had a bit of that old Gen Game magic, not least Harry Hill playing the theme from Animal Hospital on a load of car horns - essentially the exact same game as Larry Grayson in a chef's hat played with a load of pots and pans all those years ago. The skipping game, and the bloke who painted upside down, essentially it could have all come from a Saturday night in 1978, proving again what a robust format this is.
But it was so slow, the game forever mired in Graham's humourless meanderings, and his pointless interaction with the audience member who'd been plucked to keep the scores in a "funny" costume. Even at 77, Brucie CBE would still have made a better job of it. Graham, shut that door on your way out.
It's pretty clear they wanted to Strictly-fy the old format, but the brilliant thing about Strictly Come Dancing is that, for all the kitsch element, it's played exactly straight, whereas Generation Fame was presented entirely in quotation marks and ironic glitter. They even roped in Bruno from Strictly Come Dancing to "choreograph" the contestants through the inevitable dance-off, but given that this turned out to be blokes in drag arseing about for two minutes, what was the point?
Graham Norton can truly be a dreadful host when he tries, here shrieking and corpsing at all his own "jokes" and taking the piss out of Belgians. The conveyor belt prizes turned out to be vaguely ironic gifts for members of the audience, enabling Graham to mock them in that inimitable style which peaked in about 2001. The hateful Johnny Vegas, bad sight of the week any time he turns up, lolled on to charmlessly bellow and shout his way through an interminable pottery game.
And yet ... some of the games still had a bit of that old Gen Game magic, not least Harry Hill playing the theme from Animal Hospital on a load of car horns - essentially the exact same game as Larry Grayson in a chef's hat played with a load of pots and pans all those years ago. The skipping game, and the bloke who painted upside down, essentially it could have all come from a Saturday night in 1978, proving again what a robust format this is.
But it was so slow, the game forever mired in Graham's humourless meanderings, and his pointless interaction with the audience member who'd been plucked to keep the scores in a "funny" costume. Even at 77, Brucie CBE would still have made a better job of it. Graham, shut that door on your way out.
"LOUIS LOUIS, OH NO! ME GOTTA GO!"
Okay, this might not be entirely on-topic (although, you could possibly file the following somewhere in the OTT Book Tower), but I've just finished reading Louis Theroux's The Call of the Weird.
I normally spend ages on one book, but this took me only three days to get through, in part due to the huge font used throughout. That aside, it's a really readable piece of work, albeit one greatly diminished if you're not familar with the author's Weird Weekends series. It got me thinking, though, when did telly go off the boil for Mr Theroux?
It's got to be with his When Louis Met ... series, which turned him into a mainstream TV property (as one of his subjects, Paul Daniels, pointed out at the time) and diminished his oddball appeal. In addition, it's probably fair to say the whole Weird subject was rather of its time ... Millennial angst and all that. Interestingly enough, this hasn't just been a shift in television trends. As Theroux discovers in his journeys throughout the book (wherein he revisits old contacts he made in Weird Weekends) many of the subcultures he investigated have withered on the vine in the last five years. Jon Ronson, it's time to look for something new to do.
But, anyway, reading the tome, I was nearly prompted to dig out my old Louis tapes (obviously, I haven't actually got around to doing that just yet), because despite the slightly passé nature of it all, the book reminded me of Theroux's genuine talent as a journalist. A kind of Morgan Spurlock, without the grandstanding, crusading - or facial hair. I kind of miss him.
Er, Happy New Year everyone!
I normally spend ages on one book, but this took me only three days to get through, in part due to the huge font used throughout. That aside, it's a really readable piece of work, albeit one greatly diminished if you're not familar with the author's Weird Weekends series. It got me thinking, though, when did telly go off the boil for Mr Theroux?
It's got to be with his When Louis Met ... series, which turned him into a mainstream TV property (as one of his subjects, Paul Daniels, pointed out at the time) and diminished his oddball appeal. In addition, it's probably fair to say the whole Weird subject was rather of its time ... Millennial angst and all that. Interestingly enough, this hasn't just been a shift in television trends. As Theroux discovers in his journeys throughout the book (wherein he revisits old contacts he made in Weird Weekends) many of the subcultures he investigated have withered on the vine in the last five years. Jon Ronson, it's time to look for something new to do.
But, anyway, reading the tome, I was nearly prompted to dig out my old Louis tapes (obviously, I haven't actually got around to doing that just yet), because despite the slightly passé nature of it all, the book reminded me of Theroux's genuine talent as a journalist. A kind of Morgan Spurlock, without the grandstanding, crusading - or facial hair. I kind of miss him.
Er, Happy New Year everyone!
26 December 2005
"THE THING ABOUT THIS HAND IS ... IT'S A FIGHTIN' HAND!"
So the good Doctor didn't get quite as many viewers as predicted, but 9.8 million is pretty remarkable for a children's science-fiction adventure at any time of the year, especially one up against Sir Terence of Wogan on the other side. In terms of honours it also shared second place with Coronation Street behind EastEnders (11 million), but only 400,000 more than The Two Ronnies which was on a whole three hours later (9.4 million). Interesting how the other big BBC1 show on the night, The Green Green Grass, didn't even make it into the top 10, which means it got less than the Queen (in 10th place with 6.2 million on BBC1). Conversely all ITV1's big beasts made the chart, with Emmerdale sixth (6.9m) and Who Wants to be a Millionaire? eighth (6.6m). Even if the Beeb fluked first place, overall this was a score draw.
A saunter through ratings from the past few Christmas Days puts things in a slightly different light. The most watched shows on 25 December over the last five years have all belonged to BBC1:
2005: EastEnders - 11m
2004: EastEnders - 12.8m
2003: Only Fools and Horses - 15.5m
2002: Only Fools and Horses - 16.3m
2001: Only Fools and Horses - 20.3m
Yes, there's a pattern emerging here, which no doubt the Media Guardian will loudly trumpet across its pages in the New Year. But 2001 should itself be put in an even wider context, coming as it did off the back of gigantic hype about the Trotters' return. Christmas Day ratings haven't almost halved in just five years. In 2000 the highest watched show, Coronation Street, garnered 14.56m. In 1999 Coronation Street again took first place, this time with 14.7m. And in 1998 it was, perhaps unbelievably in retrospect, Men Behaving Badly which scooped the prize, with a smaller figure of 13.9m.
Sure, audiences are continuing to fragment (consider how the programme in 10th place this year got 6.2m, while in 1999 it got 11m), but not at any particularly alarming rate, and most certainly not because of the quality of offerings both main channels are continuing to wheel out every festive season. If anything 2005 was one of the strongest Christmases for some time programme-wise. Just consider some of the previous shows that have made the top 10 by default of being on 25 December: Midsomer Murders in 2004 (with 6.9m), The Lost World in 2001 (8.3m), You've Been Framed at Christmas in 2000 (9.5m!) and They Think it's All Over in 1998 (a massive 12.1m).
When it comes to stuff that'll deliver 15 odd million regardless of quality (take a bow Del Boy) or something new, exciting and fun that'll do the job with just under 10m ("A cup of tea - that's all I needed!"), the choice should be obvious.
A saunter through ratings from the past few Christmas Days puts things in a slightly different light. The most watched shows on 25 December over the last five years have all belonged to BBC1:
2005: EastEnders - 11m
2004: EastEnders - 12.8m
2003: Only Fools and Horses - 15.5m
2002: Only Fools and Horses - 16.3m
2001: Only Fools and Horses - 20.3m
Yes, there's a pattern emerging here, which no doubt the Media Guardian will loudly trumpet across its pages in the New Year. But 2001 should itself be put in an even wider context, coming as it did off the back of gigantic hype about the Trotters' return. Christmas Day ratings haven't almost halved in just five years. In 2000 the highest watched show, Coronation Street, garnered 14.56m. In 1999 Coronation Street again took first place, this time with 14.7m. And in 1998 it was, perhaps unbelievably in retrospect, Men Behaving Badly which scooped the prize, with a smaller figure of 13.9m.
Sure, audiences are continuing to fragment (consider how the programme in 10th place this year got 6.2m, while in 1999 it got 11m), but not at any particularly alarming rate, and most certainly not because of the quality of offerings both main channels are continuing to wheel out every festive season. If anything 2005 was one of the strongest Christmases for some time programme-wise. Just consider some of the previous shows that have made the top 10 by default of being on 25 December: Midsomer Murders in 2004 (with 6.9m), The Lost World in 2001 (8.3m), You've Been Framed at Christmas in 2000 (9.5m!) and They Think it's All Over in 1998 (a massive 12.1m).
When it comes to stuff that'll deliver 15 odd million regardless of quality (take a bow Del Boy) or something new, exciting and fun that'll do the job with just under 10m ("A cup of tea - that's all I needed!"), the choice should be obvious.
23 December 2005
AN ITN PRODUCTION
Well, what better way to while away a Christmas afternoon than by wrapping a few last-minute presents, eating mince pies and watching the ITV News Channel implode.
For most of the afternoon, it was the usual fare, interleaved with remarks from presenters Owen Thomas ("Was it all a big mistake - no, not closing the ITV News Channel, but the London Olympic decision") and Faye Barker about how much they'd miss the travel jingle, and joshing with the financial guy about him being out on the street, so on.
Then at 5.30pm we got Alistair Stewart reflecting on Five Years of the News Channel, which sounded a bit grim, but actually turned out to be a neat little history of the network, with Stewart Purvis saying that the original plan was to be a CNN Headline News kind of channel, only nobody really wanted that. There was footage from the first bulletin from August 2000, when it went under the ITN banner, and launch presenter Julia Somerville saying she was angry it was going.
It was a refreshingly honest retrospective, everyone admitting that the ratings weren't good, it never had much money, and it never really got out of bronze medal position. The controller of BBC News 24 even turned up to suggest that having no live news channel might be a problem for ITV next time there's a huge news event.
There was some good clippage, notably from the 2003 Gulf War and the Beslan siege, and perhaps most compelling of all, John Irvine's personal account of escaping the tsunami last Christmas. ITN really do still have some of the best news reporters around, whose work has largely been wasted of late, as the management continue to tinker around with the main bulletins (the News at 10.30 goes back to being called the Nightly News, like anybody cares) and spend more time and money on gimmickry.
The News Channel won't be missed, though. It went-off air halfway through a cheap commercial for blinds. It seems sort of appropriate.
For most of the afternoon, it was the usual fare, interleaved with remarks from presenters Owen Thomas ("Was it all a big mistake - no, not closing the ITV News Channel, but the London Olympic decision") and Faye Barker about how much they'd miss the travel jingle, and joshing with the financial guy about him being out on the street, so on.
Then at 5.30pm we got Alistair Stewart reflecting on Five Years of the News Channel, which sounded a bit grim, but actually turned out to be a neat little history of the network, with Stewart Purvis saying that the original plan was to be a CNN Headline News kind of channel, only nobody really wanted that. There was footage from the first bulletin from August 2000, when it went under the ITN banner, and launch presenter Julia Somerville saying she was angry it was going.
It was a refreshingly honest retrospective, everyone admitting that the ratings weren't good, it never had much money, and it never really got out of bronze medal position. The controller of BBC News 24 even turned up to suggest that having no live news channel might be a problem for ITV next time there's a huge news event.
There was some good clippage, notably from the 2003 Gulf War and the Beslan siege, and perhaps most compelling of all, John Irvine's personal account of escaping the tsunami last Christmas. ITN really do still have some of the best news reporters around, whose work has largely been wasted of late, as the management continue to tinker around with the main bulletins (the News at 10.30 goes back to being called the Nightly News, like anybody cares) and spend more time and money on gimmickry.
The News Channel won't be missed, though. It went-off air halfway through a cheap commercial for blinds. It seems sort of appropriate.
21 December 2005
THE IMPORTANCE OF KILLING ERNEST
Today's edition of the Mirror claims Ernest Bishop's killer is returning to Coronation Street. What other soap could hang a storyline over the return of such an obscure figure? For most people, Ernest himself would be a distant memory, despite the furore that greeted actor Stephen Hancock's departure from the show at the time (he'd unsuccessfully tried to force producer Bill Podmore into reviewing the cast's salary-structure).
It speaks volumes about the confidence of Corrie at the moment, particularly following this year's successful and touching last hurrah for Ray Langton, and the hugely ambitious Alzheimer's storyline planned for Mike Baldwin.
Of course, if this had been EastEnders it would be Ernest himself coming back.
It speaks volumes about the confidence of Corrie at the moment, particularly following this year's successful and touching last hurrah for Ray Langton, and the hugely ambitious Alzheimer's storyline planned for Mike Baldwin.
Of course, if this had been EastEnders it would be Ernest himself coming back.
A CARCASS ON YOUR HANDS
Typically the Media Guardian is making more of the news that Saturday morning programmes on BBC1 and 2 are swapping places than is strictly necessary. It's only a trial, only for three months (presumably until Da Bungalow finishes), and will probably do the ratings no harm at all. Indeed, it'd make perfect sense, if there were going to be more of those "events" to which the article refers demanding airtime on BBC1 on Saturdays. But there aren't likely to be any between now and Easter, which kind of renders the experiment self-defeating. Why not try it during the summer when, as the article points out, the World Cup will be on?
18 December 2005
"YOU'RE MY FAVOURITES!"
12 hours later, and I still can't quite believe it. In case you were watching a load of singing binmen on the other side, the finale of Strictly Come Dancing on BBC1 proved to be an unforgettable experience, largely for all the wrong reasons.
Far and away the best dancers throughout the entire competition, Colin Jackson and his partner Erin blew certain victory right at the last minute, entering the final dance-off with the worst routine ever seen on the show, a dire "dancing with dummies" number which I'm sure turned up on the Generation Game more than once, although Brucie was far too polite to mention it.
You could tell they'd lost it from the half-hearted boos during the judges' rather polite slaggings-off ("brave ... not to my taste"), and you could tell Darren Gough and Lilia had won it from the standing ovation they got for their final routine.
Most posters on the DigitalSpy forums (yeah, yeah) reckon Darren must have been leading in the phone vote before the dance-off, suggesting that Colin's terrible routine made no difference. Darren couldn't have qualified for the dance-off otherwise, as he had the least points from the judges. But given that Brucie announced the number of votes cast on the night had gone from three million to five million in the dance-off, those dummies must have had an effect on the result.
I can't believe I'm discussing all this anyway. It just goes to prove what an infectiously entertaining show this is. Being the final, we also got Brucie hollering and hoofing through Let's Face the Music And Dance, surrounded by a bevy of lovelies. And isn't that all we want on telly on a winter's Saturday night?
Far and away the best dancers throughout the entire competition, Colin Jackson and his partner Erin blew certain victory right at the last minute, entering the final dance-off with the worst routine ever seen on the show, a dire "dancing with dummies" number which I'm sure turned up on the Generation Game more than once, although Brucie was far too polite to mention it.
You could tell they'd lost it from the half-hearted boos during the judges' rather polite slaggings-off ("brave ... not to my taste"), and you could tell Darren Gough and Lilia had won it from the standing ovation they got for their final routine.
Most posters on the DigitalSpy forums (yeah, yeah) reckon Darren must have been leading in the phone vote before the dance-off, suggesting that Colin's terrible routine made no difference. Darren couldn't have qualified for the dance-off otherwise, as he had the least points from the judges. But given that Brucie announced the number of votes cast on the night had gone from three million to five million in the dance-off, those dummies must have had an effect on the result.
I can't believe I'm discussing all this anyway. It just goes to prove what an infectiously entertaining show this is. Being the final, we also got Brucie hollering and hoofing through Let's Face the Music And Dance, surrounded by a bevy of lovelies. And isn't that all we want on telly on a winter's Saturday night?
16 December 2005
THE REAL TREVOR McDOUGHNUT
Although for the past few years he's been fronting an increasingly rotten news programme on autopilot, it's still something of an end of an era to see Trevor McDonald reading the ITV News for the last time, as he did last night. It's fair to say that Trev was the last of the big ITN giants, following in the tradition of Alastair Burnet, Reginald Bosanquet and Sandy Gall - charismatic, indeed often barking mad, figures with real authority that everyone knew and respected.
Nowadays ITN have a whole host of distinctly transient and uninteresting figures, with Trevor's replacement by Mark Austin summing it up - he's a perfectly adequate reporter but simply doesn't have the authority or the character that ITN used to be so great at. They seem to have totally lost the knack of picking the right kind of newsreader - only Nick Owen seems to have any sort of personality amidst the solid-but-unspectacular James Mateses and Bill Neelys.
I'm not saying the newsreader is more important than the news, but the Beeb have got figures like Huw Edwards who have personality and charm, while not sacrificing their respectability. Even if the Beeb had always been the more authoritative and serious, ITN's great characters used to make it much more of a level playing field.
With Trevor's departure and the closure of the News Channel, this must be the worst week in ITN's history. And that's a real shame.
Nowadays ITN have a whole host of distinctly transient and uninteresting figures, with Trevor's replacement by Mark Austin summing it up - he's a perfectly adequate reporter but simply doesn't have the authority or the character that ITN used to be so great at. They seem to have totally lost the knack of picking the right kind of newsreader - only Nick Owen seems to have any sort of personality amidst the solid-but-unspectacular James Mateses and Bill Neelys.
I'm not saying the newsreader is more important than the news, but the Beeb have got figures like Huw Edwards who have personality and charm, while not sacrificing their respectability. Even if the Beeb had always been the more authoritative and serious, ITN's great characters used to make it much more of a level playing field.
With Trevor's departure and the closure of the News Channel, this must be the worst week in ITN's history. And that's a real shame.
"REMEMBER, TRUTH FLIES LIKE AN ARROW ..."
I've been enjoying Bamboozle - The Secret Gameshow on E4, even if nobody else in the world seems to be watching it. The premise is simple - three contestants are each set six tasks challenging them to hoax their way onto television. It could so easily have ended up as a nasty, cynical Balls of Steel exercise, but it's just half an hour or so of low-budget messing about, really.
One of the best moments of the series came when one of the contestants wangled her way on to Des and Mel to demonstrate her entirely fictional "Lion Therapy" courses, only for the item to be rejected at the last minute by Des O'Connor, who'd refused to wear the lion mask she'd brought along, lest it mess up his "hair". She did however, end up on This Morning, being quizzed by a bemused Phillip Schofield.
It's also been satisfying to see two contestants independently end up as guests on The Joan Rivers Position, thus exposing So Television's clearly quite hopeless production team - but fortunately they never make an issue of that aspect of the show. Nobody ever refers to "media terrorism" here.
They clearly frontloaded the good stuff at the start of the series - kicking off with the infamous "Kelly Homes" tattoo incident. But even if the hoaxes are largely now restricted to Points West and London Tonight, it's great to see that absurd "and finally" you remembered about someone setting up a company enabling Fatima Whitbread to come to your house for dinner being revealed as a scam.
Presenter Alex Zane is surely the indie Alan Partridge, and does that thing of speaking entirely in inverted commas, but he's likeable enough, and even the presence of Ed Hall and Ian Hyland on the judging panel (the weakest element of the show) can't really spoil things. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Emma Fitch ("Fitchmeister!") wins, following her sterling performance as a robot dancer on Dick and Dom, not least because of all the footage of her working in a Teddington off-licence.
One of the best moments of the series came when one of the contestants wangled her way on to Des and Mel to demonstrate her entirely fictional "Lion Therapy" courses, only for the item to be rejected at the last minute by Des O'Connor, who'd refused to wear the lion mask she'd brought along, lest it mess up his "hair". She did however, end up on This Morning, being quizzed by a bemused Phillip Schofield.
It's also been satisfying to see two contestants independently end up as guests on The Joan Rivers Position, thus exposing So Television's clearly quite hopeless production team - but fortunately they never make an issue of that aspect of the show. Nobody ever refers to "media terrorism" here.
They clearly frontloaded the good stuff at the start of the series - kicking off with the infamous "Kelly Homes" tattoo incident. But even if the hoaxes are largely now restricted to Points West and London Tonight, it's great to see that absurd "and finally" you remembered about someone setting up a company enabling Fatima Whitbread to come to your house for dinner being revealed as a scam.
Presenter Alex Zane is surely the indie Alan Partridge, and does that thing of speaking entirely in inverted commas, but he's likeable enough, and even the presence of Ed Hall and Ian Hyland on the judging panel (the weakest element of the show) can't really spoil things. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Emma Fitch ("Fitchmeister!") wins, following her sterling performance as a robot dancer on Dick and Dom, not least because of all the footage of her working in a Teddington off-licence.
15 December 2005
FOOL IF YOU THINK IT'S OVER
Robert Bathurst in interview: "Ah! Joking Apart! My favourite job ever. What’s more, there’s a fan with a plan. He's a videotape editor who has spent the last year organising to buy the DVD rights from the BBC. And not only does he stand in the pub and moan on about how Joking Apart was a good show, he’s actually bought the rights to release it on DVD. We’re doing the extras for it at the beginning of the New Year with Steven Moffat and some of the cast ."
The chap Bathurst's referring to runs the unofficial Joking Apart website, and represents the way TV fandom seems to be leading the DVD market right now. Not only have you got Alistair McGown spearheading a Star Maidens release (for God's sake why, Alistair?), but Andy Priestner's Survivors website seems to have to prompted that series' emergence onto disc too.
So, how long until an OTT-sponsored Bob's Full House box set, with an onscreen menu based on the big bingo board?
The chap Bathurst's referring to runs the unofficial Joking Apart website, and represents the way TV fandom seems to be leading the DVD market right now. Not only have you got Alistair McGown spearheading a Star Maidens release (for God's sake why, Alistair?), but Andy Priestner's Survivors website seems to have to prompted that series' emergence onto disc too.
So, how long until an OTT-sponsored Bob's Full House box set, with an onscreen menu based on the big bingo board?
14 December 2005
BREAKING NEWS FOR BRITAIN
So, to absolutely nobody's surprise, the ITV News Channel has been axed, and apart from the unfortunate 25 people who will sadly lose their jobs as a result of this, who will really care? In fact, it says everything about the half-hearted nature of this channel that "only" 25 people will be out of work when the screen goes black at the end of January.
There was never any need for an ITV News Channel. Sky News had established itself as a pretty decent player - breathless and in lots of ways the inspiration for The Day Today maybe, but it was fast, it was reliable and thankfully a long way from Fox News. Then the BBC came along and marked out their own territory - News 24 had its faults, and perhaps still does, but, well, it's the BBC and so News 24 has the authority that Sky News lacks. If you've got a pacy, get-it-first service from Sky, and a more authorititive service from the BBC, what do ITV do?
It never helped that absurd rulings and bandwidth restrictions meant it wasn't even a 24-hour channel for most viewers. When it launched as the ITN channel on OnDigital in 2000, it was only on screen between 5.30 and 9am. In 2002, it got hauled off the air on cable to make way for football. At one point, it was unavailable to DTT viewers at breakfast time because of some medieval prior claim that GMTV had on those hours. And since the launch of ITV4, Freeview watchers have only had access to it during daylight hours.
Perhaps one way forward for ITV would have been to make it a Sky Sports News-style clone - lots of tickers, fact boxes, flashes, a complete barrage of information. It wouldn't have been to everyone's taste, but at least it would have been different. Instead, we got endless Angela Rippon and Alistair Stewart.
There was never any need for an ITV News Channel. Sky News had established itself as a pretty decent player - breathless and in lots of ways the inspiration for The Day Today maybe, but it was fast, it was reliable and thankfully a long way from Fox News. Then the BBC came along and marked out their own territory - News 24 had its faults, and perhaps still does, but, well, it's the BBC and so News 24 has the authority that Sky News lacks. If you've got a pacy, get-it-first service from Sky, and a more authorititive service from the BBC, what do ITV do?
It never helped that absurd rulings and bandwidth restrictions meant it wasn't even a 24-hour channel for most viewers. When it launched as the ITN channel on OnDigital in 2000, it was only on screen between 5.30 and 9am. In 2002, it got hauled off the air on cable to make way for football. At one point, it was unavailable to DTT viewers at breakfast time because of some medieval prior claim that GMTV had on those hours. And since the launch of ITV4, Freeview watchers have only had access to it during daylight hours.
Perhaps one way forward for ITV would have been to make it a Sky Sports News-style clone - lots of tickers, fact boxes, flashes, a complete barrage of information. It wouldn't have been to everyone's taste, but at least it would have been different. Instead, we got endless Angela Rippon and Alistair Stewart.
13 December 2005
"YOU PLAYED THE DREAM GAME!"
Sorry to keep banging on about it, but Deal or no Deal continues to delight and confound in equal measure.
Noel's verbal flights of fancy at the beginning of each edition are still getting evermore shameless and extravagant. We've not only had him proclaiming the series "the most successful programme on television", but also "the most creative show on TV" and "the most talked about programme across the land". Then there's all the trappings. The theme tune has been restyled to incorporate sleigh bells. The contestant's name badges have bits of cardboard holly on them. "Let's have a fast round" has become a new catchphrase, as has Noel's cheeky sign off "Join me tomorrow at 4.15 - I think you'll be there".
But there's also the mechanics of the game itself. Every day something different seems to happen, be it the banker ringing up to offer the contestant the chance to swap their box with another one, or the contestant strolling round the set, or Noel going to sit in the audience, or the contestants all joining hands to try and will and positive result. Players arrive with demented strategies such as pretending to have a lucky number, or threatening to "take down" the banker, or constantly deferring to particular "friends" amongst the other contestants.
Finally there's Noel's bits of business. He sits on the floor. He lolls against a pillar. He sprawls against the gameboard. He collapses to his knees. Whole minutes go by when he doesn't say anything, letting the contestant run with the show. He even does a bit of time-honoured squeaky-voiced shouting.
The fear is you'll get to an episode which is less entertaining than the last. The joy is that never happens.
Noel's verbal flights of fancy at the beginning of each edition are still getting evermore shameless and extravagant. We've not only had him proclaiming the series "the most successful programme on television", but also "the most creative show on TV" and "the most talked about programme across the land". Then there's all the trappings. The theme tune has been restyled to incorporate sleigh bells. The contestant's name badges have bits of cardboard holly on them. "Let's have a fast round" has become a new catchphrase, as has Noel's cheeky sign off "Join me tomorrow at 4.15 - I think you'll be there".
But there's also the mechanics of the game itself. Every day something different seems to happen, be it the banker ringing up to offer the contestant the chance to swap their box with another one, or the contestant strolling round the set, or Noel going to sit in the audience, or the contestants all joining hands to try and will and positive result. Players arrive with demented strategies such as pretending to have a lucky number, or threatening to "take down" the banker, or constantly deferring to particular "friends" amongst the other contestants.
Finally there's Noel's bits of business. He sits on the floor. He lolls against a pillar. He sprawls against the gameboard. He collapses to his knees. Whole minutes go by when he doesn't say anything, letting the contestant run with the show. He even does a bit of time-honoured squeaky-voiced shouting.
The fear is you'll get to an episode which is less entertaining than the last. The joy is that never happens.
THE FIVE FACTS OF DOCTOR WHO
Five points of interest from yesterday's Doctor Who: "The Christmas Invasion" press launch, which I'll doubtlessly be regurgitating all over the place for the next few days ...
1) The middle-eight is back! After declaring he was getting rid of it because it sounded too much like Do They Know it's Christmas?, Murray Gold has reinstated the twiddly bit in the closing theme tune. It might just be because the credits for the Christmas special go on forever, but here's hoping we'll be hearing more of it next year.
2) Paul Abbott was in attendance. He was rumoured to be contributing a script to the show's first year, but pulled out due to work committments. With Stephen Fry's contribution for series two apparently delayed, could this hint at Abbott stepping up as a super-sub? Or perhaps he was simply there because he's a friend of Russell T Davies ... let's get this in perspective.
3) Following the screening (it was great, by the way, and, doubtlessly I'll be reviewing it on the 25th) A journo from The Mirror asked RTD if the Doctor's line about having ginger hair was meant to be a barb at Chris Evans. Honestly, the leap of imagination required to make such a conclusion ... RTD seemed non-plussed at this (besides - SPOILER! - the Doctor is actually disappointed not to be a ginge this time out) and pointed out that this was one journo who'd obviously found their own "angle" on the day.
4) Peter Fincham - who seems to have spent the latter part of the year showing up at these things and admitting that, yes, this is another Lorraine Heggessey commission - mentioned that the attendence for the screening was easily double the number that showed up for the BBC1 Winter/Spring 2006 launch.
5) Jane Tranter called RTD, "everbody's personal icon" ... whatever that means. It made him laugh a lot, though.
1) The middle-eight is back! After declaring he was getting rid of it because it sounded too much like Do They Know it's Christmas?, Murray Gold has reinstated the twiddly bit in the closing theme tune. It might just be because the credits for the Christmas special go on forever, but here's hoping we'll be hearing more of it next year.
2) Paul Abbott was in attendance. He was rumoured to be contributing a script to the show's first year, but pulled out due to work committments. With Stephen Fry's contribution for series two apparently delayed, could this hint at Abbott stepping up as a super-sub? Or perhaps he was simply there because he's a friend of Russell T Davies ... let's get this in perspective.
3) Following the screening (it was great, by the way, and, doubtlessly I'll be reviewing it on the 25th) A journo from The Mirror asked RTD if the Doctor's line about having ginger hair was meant to be a barb at Chris Evans. Honestly, the leap of imagination required to make such a conclusion ... RTD seemed non-plussed at this (besides - SPOILER! - the Doctor is actually disappointed not to be a ginge this time out) and pointed out that this was one journo who'd obviously found their own "angle" on the day.
4) Peter Fincham - who seems to have spent the latter part of the year showing up at these things and admitting that, yes, this is another Lorraine Heggessey commission - mentioned that the attendence for the screening was easily double the number that showed up for the BBC1 Winter/Spring 2006 launch.
5) Jane Tranter called RTD, "everbody's personal icon" ... whatever that means. It made him laugh a lot, though.
"I WAS BEING AFFABLE ..."
Curb Your Enthusiasm is still very funny, but if there are any more episodes like the one on More4 on Sunday I might have to stop watching it. By the end of it I was a nervous wreck, because everyone seemed to be hugely unreasonable and I hated everyone in it, apart from Larry. The rabbi, Cheryl's mum, the survivor, the Survivor ... Larry was right and they were wrong.
I don't doubt that everything is grist for Larry to find himself in an uncomfortable situation, but one of the things I enjoy about this show is its naturalness - as I eluded to in the OTT review of the first episodes. Yet in this episode, as with some others earlier in the run (I'm thinking here of "no gifts"), everyone else seems to behave in completely illogical and unnatural ways. And I always want Larry to win anyway.
It is still funny, though - but I'd rather have more "Are we going to fuck or talk about your dirty suit?" than "Somebody get a sponge".
I don't doubt that everything is grist for Larry to find himself in an uncomfortable situation, but one of the things I enjoy about this show is its naturalness - as I eluded to in the OTT review of the first episodes. Yet in this episode, as with some others earlier in the run (I'm thinking here of "no gifts"), everyone else seems to behave in completely illogical and unnatural ways. And I always want Larry to win anyway.
It is still funny, though - but I'd rather have more "Are we going to fuck or talk about your dirty suit?" than "Somebody get a sponge".
09 December 2005
"MY SPECIAL LISTENING DEVICE"
So in five minutes time it'll be the third edition of Space Cadets, and really what has happened over the preceding 120 minutes? The answer, of course is not much. Indeed on last night's programme it took the contestants thirty minutes screen time to get off a plane and onto a bus. Whilst the scale of the prank is proving to be as impressive as Channel 4 intimated it doesn't make it an interesting programme. Indeed quite a lot of airtime last night was given over to the fictitious chat between two of the "guards". I might be wrong here, but when Beadle dressed up as an Estate Agent to prank someone on Beadle's About I don't recall that we had to put up with scenes of him and some fictitious colleague chatted idly about fictious rising house prices.
In many ways Space Cadets reminds me of Channel Five's ill-fated Jailbreak. Like that programme, it is too in love with its own fictitious world and seems determined to show us what a great job its done and fashioning authentic looking Russian plug sockets, at the expense of showing us anything entertaining.
In many ways Space Cadets reminds me of Channel Five's ill-fated Jailbreak. Like that programme, it is too in love with its own fictitious world and seems determined to show us what a great job its done and fashioning authentic looking Russian plug sockets, at the expense of showing us anything entertaining.
I DUNNO WHAT A FOLLY IS
Intriguing news in this week's Broadcast that BBC1 are to bring back Nationwide - or, at least, an hour-long magazine show between 6.30 and 7.30 containing national and local news and fronted by, it says here, "a Natasha Kaplinsky-style presenter". Of course the main reasoning behind it is to stop the nation turning over en masse to Emmerdale at seven.
Nice though this would be, I wonder if 90 minutes of news is really going to be that appealing every teatime - it worked in the past because both the news and Nationwide had distinct jobs, but now you tend to get on the Six the sort of lengthy reports and features that would have been 'wide territory. Also, it will surely limit the sort of stuff that can be shown early in the evening, and it seems a bit daft to meddle with the regional news programmes when they're thrashing ITV.
But it is true that the 7pm slot has always been a weak spot for BBC1, you never know what's going to be on there and often it can get the evening off to a thoroughly flat note. Rather this than another docusoap, but it's hard to see it becoming quite the hit it was three decades ago. Would the Consumer Unit drag viewers away from The Woolpack now?
Nice though this would be, I wonder if 90 minutes of news is really going to be that appealing every teatime - it worked in the past because both the news and Nationwide had distinct jobs, but now you tend to get on the Six the sort of lengthy reports and features that would have been 'wide territory. Also, it will surely limit the sort of stuff that can be shown early in the evening, and it seems a bit daft to meddle with the regional news programmes when they're thrashing ITV.
But it is true that the 7pm slot has always been a weak spot for BBC1, you never know what's going to be on there and often it can get the evening off to a thoroughly flat note. Rather this than another docusoap, but it's hard to see it becoming quite the hit it was three decades ago. Would the Consumer Unit drag viewers away from The Woolpack now?
07 December 2005
"I SEE ... WELL, I SEE SOMETHING"
Last night was perhaps the best line-up of programmes we've ever had on BBC4 (stuff about old telly notwithstanding). Not only was there an excellent documentary on prime numbers (slightly marred by the way Marcus du Sautoy seems determined to play the rabbit to the autocue's headlights) and a welcome repeat for that old BBC documentary on Fermat's Last Theorem, but best of all, there was a re-screening of the excellent Breaking the Code. Not only that, but it was the full version too, complete with Turing's spiel on the Entscheidungsproblem that usually seems to get cut whenever this gripping drama is repeated. Jacobi is on top form throughout as Turing, but the supporting cast are all fantastic too, particularly Richard Johnson who turns in a pleasingly eccentric (but not stupid) performance as Turing's wartime boss and quasi-mentor, Dillwyn Knox.
"BENDING OVER ... IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD"
Re: Dragon's Den. I thought last night's edition was, the thrill of nobody getting any cash aside, the weakest of the series so far (albeit still one with some entertaining moments). I also felt last night's showed up a bit of a weakness in the format, in that it's impossible to have any sort of spark between Dragons and Den-ee without the pitch ending in failure.
I couldn't really blame the imaginative-but-hopeless "ambient advertising" man having a pop back at Theo for the "pins in eyes" comment, but what was funny was the way Rachel Elnaugh dismissed him and his ilk as "that's what they're like", when she's by far the most rude and charmless of the Dragons. I hope we're not on the way to contestants having to grovel and having Peter Jones check if they've cleaned their shoes that morning.
It's still just great though, I loved Doug dismissing the pointlessly elaborate dogshit (don't you hate the word pooper?) scoop as a "Ghostbusters device". And the sight of someone climbing the stairs, bearing some intriguing contraption, is a brilliantly iconic TV device.
I couldn't really blame the imaginative-but-hopeless "ambient advertising" man having a pop back at Theo for the "pins in eyes" comment, but what was funny was the way Rachel Elnaugh dismissed him and his ilk as "that's what they're like", when she's by far the most rude and charmless of the Dragons. I hope we're not on the way to contestants having to grovel and having Peter Jones check if they've cleaned their shoes that morning.
It's still just great though, I loved Doug dismissing the pointlessly elaborate dogshit (don't you hate the word pooper?) scoop as a "Ghostbusters device". And the sight of someone climbing the stairs, bearing some intriguing contraption, is a brilliantly iconic TV device.
PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS A RED NUMBER
Deal or no Deal has indeed been recommissioned, but for what sounds like an entire year's worth of episodes.
The Media Guardian puts its usual lazy spin on things - "anyone hoping that Noel Edmonds' return to TV presenting would be short-lived, think again" - while simultanteously conceding how ratings are continuing to climb.
A further 12 months of the show is both tantalising and troubling. Tantalising because it'll keep Noel on telly (and piss off the Media Guardian) and guarantee that sometime soon someone will win the quarter of a million; troubling as it sounds a bit too close to overkill. Back to back episodes all year round could turn a daily treat into a reluctant commitment, besides encouraging the programme-makers to tinker with the format. Is it wrong, though, to feel so precious about the show? No way! It's the best new quiz on TV since Bob's Full House.
The Media Guardian puts its usual lazy spin on things - "anyone hoping that Noel Edmonds' return to TV presenting would be short-lived, think again" - while simultanteously conceding how ratings are continuing to climb.
A further 12 months of the show is both tantalising and troubling. Tantalising because it'll keep Noel on telly (and piss off the Media Guardian) and guarantee that sometime soon someone will win the quarter of a million; troubling as it sounds a bit too close to overkill. Back to back episodes all year round could turn a daily treat into a reluctant commitment, besides encouraging the programme-makers to tinker with the format. Is it wrong, though, to feel so precious about the show? No way! It's the best new quiz on TV since Bob's Full House.
"IT WOULD LOOK GOOD WITH ACTION-MAN IN THE MIDDLE"
The element of surprise returned to Dragon's Den last night, as the final pitcher didn't actually clinch the deal.
It's been something of an irritant that in an effort to "tidy up" the show for its second series, the programme-makers have slightly reformatted it so - up until last night - the final proposal in each episode was always the one that elicited the cash. It meant that for the viewer, the play-along aspect of trying to second guess the Dragons' reaction was out of the window ... we now knew it was only the entrepreneur who showed up at 8.45pm who was going to get the money.
In light of last night's rubbish second showing for the Baby Dream Machine sweats, here's hoping next week sees the first bloke out of the trap enjoying success.
Aside from this grumble, the show is still the TV highlight of the week. Theo reeks of shyster-dom, and is a great replacement for the dandy Simon Woodroffe, while Peter's huge aversion to shit seems to be making itself known in different ways every week. Doug has a brilliant capacity for being hugely offended at poorly thought through pitches, Rachel is constantly faced with the spectre of Red Letter Days whenever she gets into competition with any of the others and Duncan proves to be wonderfully brusque when he's had enough of someone: "Thank you! Goodbye!"
All that, plus the "keep cooking" stuff from last night was class.
It's been something of an irritant that in an effort to "tidy up" the show for its second series, the programme-makers have slightly reformatted it so - up until last night - the final proposal in each episode was always the one that elicited the cash. It meant that for the viewer, the play-along aspect of trying to second guess the Dragons' reaction was out of the window ... we now knew it was only the entrepreneur who showed up at 8.45pm who was going to get the money.
In light of last night's rubbish second showing for the Baby Dream Machine sweats, here's hoping next week sees the first bloke out of the trap enjoying success.
Aside from this grumble, the show is still the TV highlight of the week. Theo reeks of shyster-dom, and is a great replacement for the dandy Simon Woodroffe, while Peter's huge aversion to shit seems to be making itself known in different ways every week. Doug has a brilliant capacity for being hugely offended at poorly thought through pitches, Rachel is constantly faced with the spectre of Red Letter Days whenever she gets into competition with any of the others and Duncan proves to be wonderfully brusque when he's had enough of someone: "Thank you! Goodbye!"
All that, plus the "keep cooking" stuff from last night was class.
"GOOD EVENING, FRIENDS, AND THANKS FOR TUNING IN ..."
That's the best bit about OFI Sunday, and only because it's nicked from Danny Baker. For some reason I'm still watching it, and this week we got something of a revamp. The most obvious change is that there's now two guests rather than one (they did manage to book some people, then), so there's more chat - despite Evans saying he didn't want it to be a chat show - and less of the fripperies like the Big Boobies and Glad Or Sad. It's not very interesting chat, obviously.
I thought that Evans' "assistant" Hiten had been sacked, but in fact, despite not sitting on stage throughout and joining in with the banter, he still appears to spin the wheel and dance about for the quiz. Submarine Tom's still there, and still quaking with fear throughout his boring bit.
It's great how the show is seemingly replicating the entire history of TFI Friday in a matter of weeks, with all the features junked and a load of dull interviews taking their place. Someone on the NOTBBC forum said that Evans should have returned to telly with a quiz show, or at least something that isn't simply The Chris Evans Show. Noel's return with Deal or No Deal is, of course, the perfect example.
Anyway, who had "episode four" in the "When's Sharleen Spiteri Going To Be On" sweep?
I thought that Evans' "assistant" Hiten had been sacked, but in fact, despite not sitting on stage throughout and joining in with the banter, he still appears to spin the wheel and dance about for the quiz. Submarine Tom's still there, and still quaking with fear throughout his boring bit.
It's great how the show is seemingly replicating the entire history of TFI Friday in a matter of weeks, with all the features junked and a load of dull interviews taking their place. Someone on the NOTBBC forum said that Evans should have returned to telly with a quiz show, or at least something that isn't simply The Chris Evans Show. Noel's return with Deal or No Deal is, of course, the perfect example.
Anyway, who had "episode four" in the "When's Sharleen Spiteri Going To Be On" sweep?
06 December 2005
HUW AND CRY
BBC1's live coverage of the result of the Tory leadership contest earlier today was helmed by Huw Edwards in his usual sublime fashion, seated behind a customised pod flanked by "special guests" William Hague and a woman from the Daily Telegraph.
Huw was on form, chiding Tory Central Office for being a few minutes late with the declaration, hailing footage of old people sitting in a pub in David Cameron's constituency ("I wish I was there - I could with a drink!"), and generally making the whole event as entertaining as possible.
Of course there was a time when David Dimbleby would've been doing this kind of gig, but that was a fair few years ago. It's surely not long before Huw becomes the default anchor for any and every political roustabout, including the grand prize, General Election night. Or is it? It could very well come down to timing. If there isn't another General Election for five years - the maximum period possible - it's pretty obvious the job is Huw's. If it's any sooner, chances are Dave will want one last shot, especially if he's held onto Question Time in the interim. And with Peter Snow and Andrew Marr already both out of the psephological picture, Dave's presence could be vital for ensuring a bit of continuity.
Speaking of which, who's going to replace Pete? One name springs to mind: "And now, buzzing with excitement over at his Battleground, it's Bill Turnball!"
Failing that, David Butler's still alive.
Huw was on form, chiding Tory Central Office for being a few minutes late with the declaration, hailing footage of old people sitting in a pub in David Cameron's constituency ("I wish I was there - I could with a drink!"), and generally making the whole event as entertaining as possible.
Of course there was a time when David Dimbleby would've been doing this kind of gig, but that was a fair few years ago. It's surely not long before Huw becomes the default anchor for any and every political roustabout, including the grand prize, General Election night. Or is it? It could very well come down to timing. If there isn't another General Election for five years - the maximum period possible - it's pretty obvious the job is Huw's. If it's any sooner, chances are Dave will want one last shot, especially if he's held onto Question Time in the interim. And with Peter Snow and Andrew Marr already both out of the psephological picture, Dave's presence could be vital for ensuring a bit of continuity.
Speaking of which, who's going to replace Pete? One name springs to mind: "And now, buzzing with excitement over at his Battleground, it's Bill Turnball!"
Failing that, David Butler's still alive.
IT'S A GOD-AWFUL SMALL AFFAIR ...
Chris' mention of Life on Mars prompts me to brag about the fact I've seen episode one, and on the basis of that, it looks great. Okay, I never find John Simm believable in anything other than a voiceover (he looks about 12!) but that aside, the show rarely hits a dud note.
It's fantastically imaginative, and quite happy to weave a fairly complicated, esoteric storyline in the knowledge the audience will work alongside it to keep up. Of course, not having Carol Hersee on test card duty points to a future plot point (in that the thing will start to communicate to Simm), but now I'm showing off. It's great, and it's not too gratuitiously '70s at that.
It's fantastically imaginative, and quite happy to weave a fairly complicated, esoteric storyline in the knowledge the audience will work alongside it to keep up. Of course, not having Carol Hersee on test card duty points to a future plot point (in that the thing will start to communicate to Simm), but now I'm showing off. It's great, and it's not too gratuitiously '70s at that.
THE NEW SEASON ... ON BBC1!
So, BBC1 have announced their winter and spring offerings for 2006, and while it's a mixed affair, what sounds good sounds very good. I'm really looking forward to Life On Mars, which sounds great, and given that it's from Kudos (Spooks and Hustle) it has a pretty decent pedigree (I say that never having actually seen an episode of Hustle).
There's a Jimmy McGovern drama, The Street, starring Jim Broadbent, Jane Horrocks, Sue Johnstone and Timothy Spall. While there's no doubting the pedigree of the cast and the writer, you can imagine exactly what this going to be like, can't you? Expect the word "searing" to be used in broadsheet newspaper previews.
I'm quite looking forward to Richard Hammond in Search of The Holy Grail too. He's in serious, serious danger of over-exposure at the moment, thanks to the prevailing 'Richard Hammond craze', but I do think he's a brilliant presenter. So long as he presents this from a clapped-out 1970s Ferrari, with smoke continually coming out of the bonnet. If only the Beeb had booked Clarkson and Hammond to do the new Generation Game.
And there's Davina McCall's new chat show, which the Media Guardian reckons is going to be on Wednesday nights at eight (and which the Media Guardian reckons is a weird time for a chat show - did Des O'Connor keep feeding all those lines to Joe Pasquale et al all those years in vain?), which is not the most appetising prospect, I've got to say. Davina gets on primetime BBC1, being all shouty and attention-seeking, while Claudia Winkleman is still in exile on teatime BBC2 being all light and charming. Truly, we are living in unjust times.
Oh, and Just the Two of Us, which is really just Strictly Come Singing, although the regional voting format (the losers have to go to the region that liked them least and drum up votes) sounds intriguing. They don't seem to have named a host for that, yet, however ...
There's a Jimmy McGovern drama, The Street, starring Jim Broadbent, Jane Horrocks, Sue Johnstone and Timothy Spall. While there's no doubting the pedigree of the cast and the writer, you can imagine exactly what this going to be like, can't you? Expect the word "searing" to be used in broadsheet newspaper previews.
I'm quite looking forward to Richard Hammond in Search of The Holy Grail too. He's in serious, serious danger of over-exposure at the moment, thanks to the prevailing 'Richard Hammond craze', but I do think he's a brilliant presenter. So long as he presents this from a clapped-out 1970s Ferrari, with smoke continually coming out of the bonnet. If only the Beeb had booked Clarkson and Hammond to do the new Generation Game.
And there's Davina McCall's new chat show, which the Media Guardian reckons is going to be on Wednesday nights at eight (and which the Media Guardian reckons is a weird time for a chat show - did Des O'Connor keep feeding all those lines to Joe Pasquale et al all those years in vain?), which is not the most appetising prospect, I've got to say. Davina gets on primetime BBC1, being all shouty and attention-seeking, while Claudia Winkleman is still in exile on teatime BBC2 being all light and charming. Truly, we are living in unjust times.
Oh, and Just the Two of Us, which is really just Strictly Come Singing, although the regional voting format (the losers have to go to the region that liked them least and drum up votes) sounds intriguing. They don't seem to have named a host for that, yet, however ...
REFRESHING TV
Nobody else would have seen it, because nobody ever had, but BBC3 News ended on Friday with a demented final instalment. After a cursory run-through the day's news, the final twenty minutes were nothing but shameless reminiscence, Paddy and Sevi joined by regular contributors - including Eddie Mair and Tazeen Ahmad - to jabber about the show. It's not often you hear the links in a news programme - "The news was invented because the government told the BBC to do it! Now it's ending because the government said it was a waste of money!" - being greeted with gales of laughter.
The clip packages were entertaining, with daft stunts high up in the mix - including Paddy doing a report in the nude, and various capers when the new weather map came in ("Tomorrow's weather - khaki!") - as well as illustrating what amusing and likeable hosts Paddy O'Connell and Eddie Mair were. Then the final five minutes were nothing less than a post-mortem, Tazeen saying it was partly the fault of the Beeb it had no viewers as it was in a crap slot ("I don't think you can say that, can you?" "Who cares!") and Eddie, in jest, suggesting "If you had been a bit more serious, you might not be getting axed!". There were also vox pops asking members of the public their opinions on the programme, every single one saying they'd never heard of it.
Of course, the fact I only really bothered to watch the programme when it was being axed emphasises the failings - it was a perfectly good programme, but it was the news, and it was the first thing on BBC3 so you had to specifically hunt it out. I wish I'd watched it more but, well, I couldn't be bothered. And nor could anyone else. It was one of those shows you were glad was there but never watched.
Meanwhile BBC3 News bowed out with the promise of "nearly new current affairs" in that slot, and suggesting other things you could watch at seven o'clock ("There's Emmerdale with melodramatic delivery of improbable stories - so not that much different"). This really should be the format for the Six O'Clock News.
The clip packages were entertaining, with daft stunts high up in the mix - including Paddy doing a report in the nude, and various capers when the new weather map came in ("Tomorrow's weather - khaki!") - as well as illustrating what amusing and likeable hosts Paddy O'Connell and Eddie Mair were. Then the final five minutes were nothing less than a post-mortem, Tazeen saying it was partly the fault of the Beeb it had no viewers as it was in a crap slot ("I don't think you can say that, can you?" "Who cares!") and Eddie, in jest, suggesting "If you had been a bit more serious, you might not be getting axed!". There were also vox pops asking members of the public their opinions on the programme, every single one saying they'd never heard of it.
Of course, the fact I only really bothered to watch the programme when it was being axed emphasises the failings - it was a perfectly good programme, but it was the news, and it was the first thing on BBC3 so you had to specifically hunt it out. I wish I'd watched it more but, well, I couldn't be bothered. And nor could anyone else. It was one of those shows you were glad was there but never watched.
Meanwhile BBC3 News bowed out with the promise of "nearly new current affairs" in that slot, and suggesting other things you could watch at seven o'clock ("There's Emmerdale with melodramatic delivery of improbable stories - so not that much different"). This really should be the format for the Six O'Clock News.
05 December 2005
"I KNOW I'M A SINNER ..."
I've got to put on record how dull Millionaire Manor was on Saturday. It's one of those shows where the prize is more important than the quiz itself, so they bigged-up what you could do in the Manor between every round, while those rounds are simply "who's richer?", "which is the most expensive?" and then quickfire questions (albeit all about rich people, a la Strike it Lucky). It's such a boring affair, and it's a shame a sturdy format like Winning Lines has been sacrificied for it. Also, the setting itself is botched, it's all very well setting it in the titular Manor but, a la Fame Academy, it's too poky for telly and when the contestants walk off everyone has to irritatingly budge up. Also, Mark Durden-Smith is hugely uncharismatic.
Mind you, I do like the rising and falling portcullis Mark has to walk through to get to the Lottery draws. I'd also like to point out my fave bits of the recent midweek draws, when Eammonn hasn't been arsed coming in, so they film him going "Time now for Lotto Extra!" and really blatantly bung them in live.
Mind you, I do like the rising and falling portcullis Mark has to walk through to get to the Lottery draws. I'd also like to point out my fave bits of the recent midweek draws, when Eammonn hasn't been arsed coming in, so they film him going "Time now for Lotto Extra!" and really blatantly bung them in live.
WHO BETTER, WHO EVER BETTER?
I knew Bill Turnbull was becoming a star when my mum (her again) said, during the edition of Strictly Come Dancing where he'd knackered his ankle and was looking ill, "oh, time to go home to your bees, Bill".
So where now for the likeable freewheeling Breakfast anchor? Surely he's in line for some kind of "promotion", after all, it was Strictly Come Dancing that really launched Natasha Kaplinsky (and proved that nobody really likes Fiona Phillips). Man cannot live by being second banana to Dermot Murnaghan alone, so what do we see in store?
First off I'm seeing Bungalow Bill, a property restoration show where Bill helps a punter do up a one-storey house. Plenty of scope for his trademark wry asides and knowing references ("hmm, plenty of room for a beehive here!").
How about some more ideas, as sensible or as blatantly improbable as possible?
So where now for the likeable freewheeling Breakfast anchor? Surely he's in line for some kind of "promotion", after all, it was Strictly Come Dancing that really launched Natasha Kaplinsky (and proved that nobody really likes Fiona Phillips). Man cannot live by being second banana to Dermot Murnaghan alone, so what do we see in store?
First off I'm seeing Bungalow Bill, a property restoration show where Bill helps a punter do up a one-storey house. Plenty of scope for his trademark wry asides and knowing references ("hmm, plenty of room for a beehive here!").
How about some more ideas, as sensible or as blatantly improbable as possible?
IS IT GENIUS? IS IT SUFFOLK?
Surely the biggest problem with Space Cadets is not the fact that it is a hoax, but rather that it will be Johnny Vaughan's smug chops revealing the truth to the bogus astronauts (should any of them remain untwigged)? The choice of him as presenter has sent out a clear signal that, regardless of what Channel 4 are proclaiming, Space Cadets is going to be a smug and nasty bit of television. Just imagine how the programme would sound if, say, Dermot O'Leary was presenting? It's a totally different prospect, isn't it? Unfortunately Vaughan conjures up an image of a production team made up of an army of jeans-hanging-of-the-arse, directional haircuts pissing themselves at how damn funny they are. Let's hope one of the contestants is sufficiently irate to punch Vaughan in the face.
WHO THE HELL IS TIMOTHY BUSFIELD?
Interesting postscript on international DOND mania here. Richard Branson? Hmm, apart from the one-time media ubiquity, hugely overpowering obsession with air transport and the beard, I can't see it ...
Also, the host of Australian Deal or no Deal simultaneously fronts ... Australian Dragon's Den! Imagine that! That's living the OTT dream, and no mistake. Talk about "life-changing sums of money".
Also, the host of Australian Deal or no Deal simultaneously fronts ... Australian Dragon's Den! Imagine that! That's living the OTT dream, and no mistake. Talk about "life-changing sums of money".
04 December 2005
"THE AMAZING SUCCESS OF THIS PROGRAMME ..."
Deal or no Deal again. It opened on Saturday with a pre-titles bit featuring Noel breast-beating about its "amazing success" in changing people's lives (he seems big on that), particularly regarding the bloke on Friday who'd packed in his job to go on the show and won £10. The Saturday contestant, John (think I've seen him on something else - gantry crew?) had been on for five weeks, which Noel went on about, how John had made an impact on him, and he'd been looking forward to seeing him in the chair.
What I also liked was John, at one point, asking some of his trusted confidantes for advice on what to do. I like the way it's almost become a little community. Is it too bold (or too crap) to describe DOND as the first quiz-soap? There was also lots of speculation about whether having a large sum in your box makes it more or less likely that you will have one today, and that opening the boxes with pace (usually) yields better results. I love all this. Why isn't there a DOND play-along Flash game on the C4 website yet?
My mum, a television touchstone a la Old Ma Dyke, loves it, and regularly tells me on the phone what's been happening, brilliantly in the argot of the show ("he got rid of most of the blue numbers, then the banker phoned up, and Noel ...")
I think that bit about "amazing success" - 3m on Friday, according to DigitalSpy, winning its slot, makes a lengthy recommission inevitable. I hope they don't start trying primetime specials or anything like that, yet.
What I also liked was John, at one point, asking some of his trusted confidantes for advice on what to do. I like the way it's almost become a little community. Is it too bold (or too crap) to describe DOND as the first quiz-soap? There was also lots of speculation about whether having a large sum in your box makes it more or less likely that you will have one today, and that opening the boxes with pace (usually) yields better results. I love all this. Why isn't there a DOND play-along Flash game on the C4 website yet?
My mum, a television touchstone a la Old Ma Dyke, loves it, and regularly tells me on the phone what's been happening, brilliantly in the argot of the show ("he got rid of most of the blue numbers, then the banker phoned up, and Noel ...")
I think that bit about "amazing success" - 3m on Friday, according to DigitalSpy, winning its slot, makes a lengthy recommission inevitable. I hope they don't start trying primetime specials or anything like that, yet.
RATINGS REVISITED
Here are the 10 most watched programmes on Christmas Day 20 years ago:
1) The Two Ronnies (18.48m viewers)
2) The Queen (BBC) (17.35m)
3) Only Fools and Horses (16.92m)
4) All Creatures Great and Small (15.36m)
5) Top of the Pops Christmas Party (14.74m)
6) Coronation Street (14.32m)
7) Hi-De-Hi! (14.01m)
8) Moonraker (13.98m)
9) Minder on the Orient Express (12.51m)
10) Wogan (12.24m)
Any nominations for what'll end up on top this year, and by how many? Doctor Who will be in there somewhere, of course, but where? At the moment, and this is without having yet seen the Xmas RT, 12m sounds a good bet.
1) The Two Ronnies (18.48m viewers)
2) The Queen (BBC) (17.35m)
3) Only Fools and Horses (16.92m)
4) All Creatures Great and Small (15.36m)
5) Top of the Pops Christmas Party (14.74m)
6) Coronation Street (14.32m)
7) Hi-De-Hi! (14.01m)
8) Moonraker (13.98m)
9) Minder on the Orient Express (12.51m)
10) Wogan (12.24m)
Any nominations for what'll end up on top this year, and by how many? Doctor Who will be in there somewhere, of course, but where? At the moment, and this is without having yet seen the Xmas RT, 12m sounds a good bet.
02 December 2005
NO QUESTIONS - EXCEPT ONE ...
... namely, will Deal or no Deal be recommissioned for another series? During a webchat for channel4.com, Noel Edmonds advises "do look out for an announcement very soon."
It certainly merits a second run. An irresistible mix of demented bravado, freewheeling fun and shameless tension, it's arguably the most exciting thing to turn up on Channel 4 this year. Says Noel: "I always said that if I were to resume my television presenting career it would have to be with an innovative and challenging format. Deal or No Deal is both." Aye to that.
It certainly merits a second run. An irresistible mix of demented bravado, freewheeling fun and shameless tension, it's arguably the most exciting thing to turn up on Channel 4 this year. Says Noel: "I always said that if I were to resume my television presenting career it would have to be with an innovative and challenging format. Deal or No Deal is both." Aye to that.
WHO! WHO! WHO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
It's the press launch for Doctor Who: "The Christmas Invasion" on Monday 12 December, which is terribly exciting, obviously. While Russell T Davies remains rubbish at coming up with alien names (Sycorax?), whispers already indicate the episode is going to be great. Sweeping, exciting and suitably expensive-looking. Even the Jane Tranter-endorsed invitations to the screening are lush - a glossy gatefold of that "TARDIS in the snow" picture.
Meanwhile, the bods at Radio Times seem terribly surprised their police box snow storm cover is already public knowledge, while fans grumble that, at of the time of writing, the offical website still isn't sporting the Who trailer trumpted by the front page of bbc.co.uk.
For all these reasons and more, Doctor Who continues to be the most entertaining thing ever.
Meanwhile, the bods at Radio Times seem terribly surprised their police box snow storm cover is already public knowledge, while fans grumble that, at of the time of writing, the offical website still isn't sporting the Who trailer trumpted by the front page of bbc.co.uk.
For all these reasons and more, Doctor Who continues to be the most entertaining thing ever.
01 December 2005
WHAT THE F?
When Gordon Ramsay was promoting the arrival of The F Word on Channel 4, he was intimating the show would feature an X Factor-style search for new talent, regular reports from Jane Moore and an eye-opening expose of the food industry.
Alas, the series itself seems to have none of this (although Ms Moore did show up in episode for a "spontaneous" chat about women in the kitchen - think: those awful Sunday Times ads), featuring instead Ramsay schmuttering up to soap stars and Giles Coren booking a regular table for one.
Does the world really need a food magazine programme though? Anyone got Chris Kelly's number ...?
Alas, the series itself seems to have none of this (although Ms Moore did show up in episode for a "spontaneous" chat about women in the kitchen - think: those awful Sunday Times ads), featuring instead Ramsay schmuttering up to soap stars and Giles Coren booking a regular table for one.
Does the world really need a food magazine programme though? Anyone got Chris Kelly's number ...?